I'm scared of My "Family"... I keep thinking they want to harm me, and they are associated to many visions/halucinations and/or Psychotic Episodes which has led me to become strongly phobic of them, they are too often triggers to either my Bi-Polarity and/or My Spychotic Episodes, even if once, seeing them reasured me on certain issues, it didn't take Long for that Visit to Turn into a Psychotic Episode. And, it's more than Fear, I can't stand to spend time around them, or even hear the Sound of their Voices... Even going to my French Grand Mother's Funeral is too Scary. It seems too Suspicious, they said she's not going to have a Real Funeral, just a Memorial, no tomb Stone. So I'm worried I think it was a set up...
Otherwise, I keep feeling like they are obssessed about sending me to a Mental Home for a variety of Reasons, and/or forcing me to Live with them, which other than the fact that it is unbearable for my Ego to Live at my Age with My "Family". Even Living with a Cousin would also be Unbearable, I am a Person who has always had and still just as much if not more a VERY Strong Need for Privacy... To at Least an Individual Room where I can Lock myself up at Night, because not having that Possibility always Triggers Psychotic Episodes in me. Beyond other Factors, this is also one of the Reasons why I am Phobic of Mental Homes/Hospitals.
I also fear of ending up Locked up in Eternal Agony God knows where? All these Alternative Futures, Visions and Psychotic Episodes often Paralize me with Fear... Today I've been Vascilating Between Fear and Calm. And, in these moments, I still Like to Hope there are some Good Cops out there, that are Putting an End what I Fear is supposedly "Just My Imagination..."
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Otherwise, I keep feeling like they are obssessed about sending me to a Mental Home for a variety of Reasons, and/or forcing me to Live with them, which other than the fact that it is unbearable for my Ego to Live at my Age with My "Family". Even Living with a Cousin would also be Unbearable, I am a Person who has always had and still just as much if not more a VERY Strong Need for Privacy... To at Least an Individual Room where I can Lock myself up at Night, because not having that Possibility always Triggers Psychotic Episodes in me. Beyond other Factors, this is also one of the Reasons why I am Phobic of Mental Homes/Hospitals.
I also fear of ending up Locked up in Eternal Agony God knows where? All these Alternative Futures, Visions and Psychotic Episodes often Paralize me with Fear... Today I've been Vascilating Between Fear and Calm. And, in these moments, I still Like to Hope there are some Good Cops out there, that are Putting an End what I Fear is supposedly "Just My Imagination..."
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