Wednesday, September 10, 2008

An E-mail Message I Sent to my Family About How I Deal with My Schizophrenia

My solutions to deal with my mental problems are:

"[...] 1. Stay as much as possible away from people, things, places that are related to Psychotic Episodes and visions or basically what shrinks call visual Hallucinations because they have too often in the past and in some cases still in the present Triggered new Psychotic Episodes or brought me back into a past Psychotic Episode, as well make me depressive... And I think I told you this before, and I am sorry if it hurts, but you and nearly everyone from my past are people who are triggers, or should I say catalysts for Psychotic Episodes, and in the case of Mum, Bi-Polarity as well. Otherwise, because you and others who are part of my Psychotic Episodes, I am basically Phobic of you, and it is Painful to be around you. And my Phobia is not (although it sometimes is) related to fear towards you or the others, it is just plain and simple torture to be around you and the others, I keep getting flash backs and everything about you from your voices to your faces and body auras are just unbearable. SoI just can't stand being around any of you... I am sorry but it is just that way... And please

2. Otherwise I get other types of Hallucinations... Like the Tactile ones where I get itches, or it Feels like I'm being touched by someone something, and some of these can be particularly disturbing, depending on where the Hallucination is... So sometimes, they flare up anger in me, so I work out a little or shout... And although this might have something to do with my schizophrenia being coupled with my Bi-Polarity sometimes although I'm not quite sure, it might be because of Tourette syndrome, especially since this urge to shout is uncontrollable. I also sometimes (again beyond my control) do this when one or several of my voices is harass me too much... And it's incredible how after a good yell, I feel so much better, like a good work out, like the so build up of presure is released and the voices even sometimes quiet down, even completely stop. As for the neighbours other than sometimes believing that the harasing voices are real, and that they live on the other side of one of the walls of my appartment or sometimes in other buildings in on street... Anyways, so far, no one has complained, so maybe someone has told them about my disease or they just don't hear, maybe I'm also hallucinating about how loud my voice sounds... Who knows... Otherwise I also get Olfactive Hallucinations... They tend to be of blood, fart or shit smells... Lovely huh?!? Even bird Shit I think sometimes... Urk... Anyway... Not much I can do about those except put some vicks vaporub in my nostrils, or what I used to do put a surgeon mask imbibed with some eau de Cologne...

3. To deal with My Bi-Polarity, I mostly Meditate, and work out, skip rope, train some tone muscles with some hand Barbels, and Leg Weights, and hand clamps, this last one is much better than a stress ball, and it's also good for my manic phases and/or my Hyperactivity. Otherwise, I want to learn Kung Fu, Boxing and/or Kick Boxing, or Fencing, and also climbing, and those hand clamps are perfect to train the Muscles I need for that... But for some reason, I always have never end up actually getting to it... Either because it too far from home, or because I don't feel like wasting a bunch of money on membership just end up with a crap teacher... Anyway, in the mean time, I'm working out, and even developing my own technique, to develop detail toned muscles I would need for the sports I want to Practice, which by the case, in you're wondering, are not only sports that I Like, but also Sports which I believe can be a good outlet for my Bi-Polarity and my Schizophrenia. As I told you, some of the voices are particularly harassing... And, even if they are not Real... They still Affect me... And I hope what follows clarifies things for you... Schizophrenia (the way I am living it anyways), is basically like living in 2 worlds at the same time, the real world, and the one in my head, which until I get cured from my schizophrenia will still persist in exiting in that way. And even though I know their fake these voices still manage to build up anger in me... So because them + my Bi-polarity, when I'm in the manic and/or irritable phases of Bi-Polarity, Practicing a combat sport is a very good out let for my anger or hyperactivity, basically blow some steam and on top of it all HEALTHY... I don't think I ever been as in good shape as I am now...

4. Otherwise, when I get Psychotic Episodes, I have finally managed to find a way to get over them with out going insane for days, and being too stressed to sleep, and/or preoccupied to eat... These days, I just, see it, as even it's true, panicking will not do me any good, because I would be dead meat no matter what... So instead, I just move on and try to live Life to the Fullest (within reasonable limits of course), "Carpe Diem" I Guess... And in any case, even if I still have trouble not panicking, I do my best to get some sleep and when I wake up I always feel much better. The problem is the Memory of the Episodes, no matter how insignificant they are... That's what's hardest to overcome... In anycase sleep helps a lot to get back into "normality" and it's basically the most effective treatment that schizophrenics like me get in Mental Homes. So now that you know this, if you ever find me in too much of a state of Psychotic Episode panic/anxiety attack, just give me some room and time, I know already that all I need is sleep, so there's no need to call up the hospital to get me interned, especially since they are always a very strong trigger factor to my Psychotic Episodes, basically just stay away, and let me have a safe place where I can lock my self up (having a room where I can lock MYSELF up is VITAL to me when I am having Psychotic Episodes), and sleep will be enough to get me out of the Psychotic Episode... But as mentioned earlier, since you and the rest of family are triggers to my Psychotic Episodes

So anyway, I have basically found a pretty good balance to my schizophrenia... Well... Given that it's been 8 years now since it's started, I guess it's not that strange that I've finally found a way to cope with it, after all it is a long term disease, and that much I have understood for quite some time now, which is why I have progressively found ways to deal with the crippling diseases that I am enduring. Otherwise, as you might know... Boredum is also one of the problems schizophrenics face, and here to there is no need to worry, I have bought myself a sewing machine, I Blog, Socialise with new friends when I am to it, play video games, I also do puzzles, play Memory (especially since schizophrenia, and/or my meds have the side effect of fuzzing my memory), do research and self teach myself in various fields such as Mythology, Philosophy, Theology, and Psychology, and of course sports. So really, if not in a Lethargic phase of my Bi-Polarity I have plenty of outlets to keep Busy...

Otherwise, don't worry, I still have strong hope to one day return to a near normal Life, have Job, and be a Fully Active Citizen in Society.[...]"


Well, this way, you too are aware of how I deal with my Schizophrenia, Bi-Polarity... As for My Tourette Syndrome, Insomnia, and Narcolepsy, so far I just try and fight them as best I can with Valium (see also post about "What hapened to my Valium?") in the case and sometimes Alcohol for Insomnia, and will power for Narcolepsy, although, to this one I really have not yet been very able to achieve Desired Results... As for My Tourette Syndrome... Well... Sorry, but other than waiting for it to just pass, I really just know what to do...


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